Relate

As an organisation helping thousands of families every year to enjoy happier, healthier relationships, Relate welcomes this celebration of family life. Our belief is for a future in which good couple and family relationships form the heart of a thriving society - an initiative like National Family Week helps to bring us all closer to this goal.
Claire Tyler, Chief Executive Officer

Website: www.relateforparents.org.uk

Relate is a national charity specialising in relationship support. So much of our work is about improving family life, whether it be through our face to face family counselling, or text and live chat services for parents, or through the support we give to children and young people in schools. We help 150,000 people every year to make positive changes to their relationships which has a direct impact on their role as a parent, step-parent, grand-parent, sibling or child.

In recognition of the tough economic times that families are facing this year, we are polling families about their experiences of the impact of recession - we will be asking them about the effects on their relationship with their partner or ex-partner, about their fears for their children and about the positive steps they can take to protect their family life.

Nationally Relate, the UK's largest provider of relationship counselling, has seen 66% of Relate Centres across the country experiencing an increase in demand for their services as clients feel the impact of the recession. Relate counsellor Denise Knowles gives the following advice for coping with the impact of redundancy on you and your family:

The Two of You

A problem shared...
Sit down and look at your finances together, this is time to get the full picture of your finances and to get advice - speak to a financial advisor or your mortgage advisor. Also check if you are entitled to any benefits, Citizens Advice Bureau might be able to advise what you could claim.

No finger pointing...
It is normal for people to feel powerless when they are made redundant, and have no control or are to blame. It is important to remember redundancy, as opposed to being dismissed, often isn't a reflection on how good a person is at a job but rather how well a company is doing during an economic downturn. If you are the partner of someone who is made redundant it is no good pointing the finger of blame at one another. While you both might feel you can't control what is going on outside your relationship, you can manage what happens inside your relationship.

Keep talking...
While you might be tempted to try and keep things to yourself, this is the time that talking to each other really can help. For example you are likely to feel angry about losing your job and your partner might pick up on this and think you are cross with them - take time to be clear with each other, "Yes I am angry but not with you."

Alternatively partners tend to be worried about upsetting the person who has been made redundant, so want to protect their feelings. This can lead to frustrations building up an talk to each other without blaming each other.

Dreaming...
It can be difficult coming to terms with losing a dream, you have planned together. You may need to re-evaluate your future dream (if it is early retirement, supporting your children through university, etc) because if you are holding onto a dream that can no longer be realised in the way you imagine, it can lead to disappointment and resentment that can cause a lot of discomfort for you and the whole family.

Children

Be on message...
You might be surprised by how aware children are of what is going on, by explaining to them what is happening you can help ease their worries. The essential thing to remember is that big changes need to be communicated to children and where you are parenting with someone else you need to agree together what you tell your children.

Seeing their parents agree is reassuring for children, when they don't agree children feel more anxious. Also children might have questions, such as if their routine is going to change - like if they are not going to nursery because Daddy will be at home. Older children might be especially concerned about what to tell their friends, help them with these questions.

Even if you aren't with your children's other parent, you can reassure your children together by agreeing what you want to tell them and how you are going to explain things. You might feel talking to your children's other parent about your redundancy is the last thing you need but the fact of the matter is your ex is still a major part of your children's life and you can work together to help reassure your children.

Be a role model...
Children look to their parents to learn how to deal with life that includes how to deal with shocks and changes, if you can show that you can cope with these challenges - they will learn this for themselves.

You

Friends...
This is an important time to keep in touch with friends. Men especially can lose touch with mates when they are not at work. There might be some awkward challenges such as not being able to afford a round of drinks, an alternative could be to invite friends round for a card game, watch football etc and ask them to bring their own drinks.

Project redundancy...
Remember your job is only part of you, and you have other things you are good at. This might be a good time to think about what else you enjoy doing - is this a time to take up learning or volunteering? You could approach finding a new job/career like you would a project at work - a problem you can fix.

Be kind to yourself

The fact of the matter is that being made redundant means you have to make some major adjustments, and it is only normal to feel frightened, shocked, angry, and to experience a range of emotions that perhaps you haven't had to manage before. Don't be hard on yourself if you are finding it hard to adjust, it is perfectly normal. Seek outside help, advice and support, doing this is not a sign of failure on your part!